SPM is riding on a bullet train to reach me!!!

There are still 36 days before SPM (if Janice counted correctly). 36 days is not long and neither it is short. Till now I've been indulging myself with card games (monopoly) , board games (chess), the internet and also chit-chatting with my friends. I have lost the urgency to revise every chapter or to do as many exercises as I can. All i want is to PLAY!! I know this is kind of bad and mom will be chasing after me after she saw this post.

I do not know why. Every time after my trial exams (UPSR, PMR and SPM). I lost the mood to study. For me to pick up the book again and start reading is quite hard. This time round, I have to whip myself like how the trainers whip their horses so that I can get back on track with my studies. Only when exam is approaching, the rate of me facing temptations increases (weird but it is supported by solid experiments :D) .. At the eve or exam, TV programs seemed more interesting and outdoor activities seemed excited. What a joke this is !!! It is also during this time that i became more prayerful and having a consistent quiet time. :( I am sorry Lord..

Sigh.. Therefore, from now onwards I have to worked hard!! So that I can get flying colours in my exam and make God, not to forget my family and friends, to be proud of me! Before I can achieve something, I need to pay it with my hard work... Success comes at a price!!! ( a high price- fuh.. expensive) .

~the end~

The two little twin cousins of mine..

JJ

JC

Together they are JC and JJ

They know how to spread out their arms to balance themselves and guess what, they are only two years old. They love driving their parents up the wall, making ugly faces and trying out new things such as licking guitar strings, wearing adult shoes and trying to slide down a slide with their body facing the sky. Haha.. They are sooo cute and I love them!!

Careless Mistakes keep on bugging me.. arrgghh

Why am I so careless?? How come I can't never complete a paper without any careless mistakes and flawless. Sigh.. I was wondering whether it is in one of my gene. Haha. If it was not because of the mistakes I have made I would have scored quite well for my Modern Mathematics paper. I feel like crawling underneath a rock and die!! Haha. Hope I will do better in my Additional Mathematics paper. If not, I will be skinned alive!!

Now, I'm starting to feel the pressure originated from my mother. I never liked it when she compared me to my friends especially when they score better than me. But i had no choice, I have to tell her how well they did and if they did better than me, she starts to nag me : " Girl, you always watch TV, that's why you cannot do well." or "Girl, what were you thinking when you are sitting for the papers?" and on and on and on.. She never see how well I did in my other papers. I've actually improved in a lot of subjects for this trial exam. She never give me a pat on the shoulder and tell me that : " Good job girl, you've improved! ".. It creates a lot of invisible burdens in my life. Well, I do not blame her for that cause her parents, my grandparents never did that either. Next time when I have my own offspring, I know what am I supposed to do.

I have to work harder now so that i won't disappoint them. Pressure is good if it is treated in a right way. Right?? Fuh.. Have to work like a donkey from now on!! Haha.. Knowing that I have my friends with me (thanks to Kian Aun) , i guess i will learn to handle this is in a PRECIOUS way.. May the Lord be with me as i move into another chapter of my life.. :)

Trying to be someone i am not..

Sometimes i wish i can have the berry that can show one's true identity ( in case you are wondering, it's from Barbie Mermaida ) . I wish to know what's God's plan for me and who I really am. Since i knew this girl, I've been trying my best to be like her or to beat her. In fact, I'm am the one whose butt was kicked! It sounds crazy but i will always check her Facebook to know what is happening around her. Sometimes, I hope to have what she has (things that money can't buy).
I told my friends that she is talented, pretty, humerous, generous, kind and someone that is very close to God. They threw me back with a question : How well do you know her?? I startled. Actually, i do not know her as deep as i know Janice, Sabrina and Shireen. On second thought, there's another side of her that i do not know. They told me that nobody is perfect and i kind of agree with that but i never knew what weaknesses she has. I am sick of trying to imitate her. I have told myself a billion times not to compare, not to thinks about her, be who I am and be proud of it! I just simply can't do it! With frustration and sadness in me, i do not know how to tackle this problem. I wish I know why I try to be like her. Is it because she possess the strengths that I do not have and God wants me to learn something from her or something else. I am confused and lost.

My friends told me that I am fearfully and wonderful made by God. No one is 100% alike. I kind of agree . They told me not to worry and I am not as bad as i think. They also tell me to be the Bernice that I was born to be. However, it's easier said than done. I guess i have to learn it the HARD way. God, please help me to overcome this , I cannot stop thinking about how to beat her. Why would i want to beat her? That's the question I always ask myself and sadly, I can't find an answer to that. :(

None the less, i will continue to pray for God to show me a way to solve this problem of mine. Maybe it's a test or a trial that God give me so that i will learn perseverance and also to know that He made me for a reason. Why didn't He make me like her? I think because I am different from her and God wants me to be different. Well, I am not sure about that. :( Lord, please show me an answer...

~end~

It's Incredible!!!

I've watch a lot of Barbie's movies this two days.. It's so unbelievable. I've flew back to the time when i was still a kid.

I've watched :
- Barbie Swan Lake
- Barbie As Thumberlina
- Barbie As Rapunzel
- Barbie The Island Princess
- Barbie As The Princess and the Pauper
- Barbie In a Christmas Carol
- Barbie and the Diamond Castle
- Barbie As the 12 Dancing Princess
- Barbie Mermaida
- Barbie Diaries
- Barbie Fairytopia: Magic Of The Rainbow
- Barbie In the Nutcracker
- Barbie And the Magic of Pegasus
- Barbie Fairytopia
(I wonder did i miss out any of them?? Hmm)

There's a lot of moral values behind these movies. It's good to have young kids watch it so that they can learn something from it especially girls. :D

I love fairy tales but it is not possible in real life. Sigh.