The same old problem visits me again... :(

Exam week is here. THis week i got my my marks for drama. I am starting to compare again. I feel so small in the community i am living in right now. When i compare, that's when I feel super emotional and unstable. I might burst int tears in anytime.

I do not want to compare any more.. I want to be myself. I want Bernice to be Bernice and not someone else.

I've been experiencing stress form people around me that compare me with other people. I am who I am, fearfully and wonderfully made.

BERNICE ONG!!!!! STOP COMPARING!!! JUST DO YOUR BEST

There will be light even when I am in my darkest moments.

Yesterday, i got back my Maths 1 test paper.. I got 73%. I feel so bad after seeing my friends getting 80++ or 90.. I cried. When I checked through my papers,i found that I was mostly my careless mistaked that bring down my marks.. This time round the marks is not counted in our final exam so that comforts me a bit. My kiasu-ness makes me feel useless seeing everybody scoring good marks.. My parents expect me to score higher marks and I feel so bad letting them down. Although they are okay about my marks, but i know i can do better.

The most touching part was, my friends here in Australia comforted me and lend a shoulder to me when i was feeling as if my world is ending. After a while, my tutor asked me to talk to him. I went into his office. He asked me questions about my Maths background back in Malaysia. I told him that my major problem is that i have a lot of careless mistakes. He taught me how to avoid careless mistakes by going through every questions with me and teaching me the tehniques to score. One thing he told me that makes me feel encouraged was : " Bernice, I know this is not the best you can score." I cannot helped it and my tears came rolling down my cheeks like waterfalls. Then, my teaher closed the blinds so that nobody from outside can see that I am crying.

I am really thankful to have people around me when I needed help. I truly understands that I AM NOT ALONE. No man is an island and God knows that I will surely be crushed if i face this alone. Therefore, He placed me in a community that I can get help from and also lean on when I am exhausted.

My friends agreed to tackle my problems alongside me. I will score good grades next term. This is my promise to the one most high, my Heavenly father, my parents, my friends and my tutor that I will work hard and I hope i will not dissapoint you guys. To my friends back in Malaysia and also in Australia, please remember me in your prayer..

~end~

No Regrets..

I have no regrets going to Planetshakers Conference.It's indeed a life-changing conference. I have listened to great preachers such as Reggie Dabbs, John Bevere and later on T.D. Jakes.. The words they preach touched my heart. Although i doze off a lot of times during the message, I still manage to keep myself awake to get the gist of the message.

The praise and worship session was awesome and it was not because of the band of the music.. It's the heart of worship that brings everyone in the arena together and worship the Lord in one voice.

I have been blessed...

I love my life here so much. I like going to church and everytime i worship, i felt the presence of God. It was hard to walk this path at first, but as time goes by, I began to understand why He put me in this kind of situation. He wants me to experience life-changing incidents. I thank you Lord for providing for me. I have no regrets coming to Australia, meeting new friends, learning new skills and broaden my views.

I am trying to learn to praise God eventhough I am facing difficulties.The power of praise is great and awesome. I am living happily everyday here in Melbourne, with a whole bunch of friends supporting me as well as He leading me. Thank you God for the plans He has made for me.

SPM result is finally out...

Yea. I got my results but i don't really feel the excitement because i was not there to take the result from my teacher. Sigh. Thank God I manage to do pretty well and i did not let Him nor my parents down. Thank you to all who helped me did well in my exam, those who prayed for me, those who taught me, those who supported me and those who provided for me.

I was so shocked when i got the MESSAGE from my dad saying that I scored 11As in my results. I was hacing my maths lecture that time. During the break, i checked my hanphone and then I was literally screaming in my heart. Then i called my parents but none of them picked up the phone.. Therefore, i called Jan. She reconfirmed me with my result. I hung up and i could not concentrate in class after that.

I was happy and sad at the same time. I felt happy bacause I did not let my family down. However,there;s another part of me that felt that I do not deserve this result. I have never really studied that hard like my friends did yet i get better results. In Albert House (the current place i stayed in), there are three more other Malaysians who scored straight As in their SPM. They are those people who really worked VERY VERY hard before SPM, unlike me.

There are some people who asked Shireen , " Is Bernice a hardworking girl in school? She scored so well." That time Shireen do not know how to answer czuse she knows I am a sluggard, everytime study last minute. Now, when people in ALbert HOuse says I am so clever, so hardworking or when they address me as the straight A girl, i felt so embarrased.

Anyway, I still thank God for His blessings to me. If it was not Him, I would not have scored this well. I think what God is trying to show me is to rely on Him and he will make my path straight. Amen.