A Whole New Episode

It has been about half a year since i updated my blog. I can't believe I am a university student already!! How fast time flies. University lifestyle is way different from foundation studies and high school. If you are not independent in your studies, you will be left behind especially in the course that I am doing now. The lecturers are not going to spoon feed you. The lectures notes they give us is like 60% of the whole topic. The rest we have to go online tutorials of read some other resources.

It's a big challenge for me. I am the kind of person who do things at the eleventh hour, and I don't think i can survive this 3 years with that kind of attitude. I have to be more proactive in my studies (eg. pre-read lecture notes, listen to the audio recordings over and over again, pay attention during lectures). My oh my!!! This is super hard for me and it means i have to cut down my movie hours, sleeping hours and day dreaming hours. :D

Oh well, I guess i have to really focus this year. I don't wanna waste my parent's money and my time. Jia You!!!! and to all my friends out there who share the same experience, let's support each other so that we can have a peaceful university life!!!!!! :D

A memorable birthday!!!

This year is my first year celebrating my birthday overseas without my parents.. At first, i felst very homesick.. but then.. Thanks to Shireen i manage to have a memorable Birthday that i cherish fof a lifetime..

Firstly is last Friday. I planned a birthday party for another friend of mine. I planned to tie the person to a chair and then throw water balloons at him.. but in the end, my 'loyal' teammates tie me up as well.. Indeed, they have betrayed me. They splash water on us too at 12midnight during WINTER.. Luckily, my friend and I did not get sick.. haha..

Then on Sunday irself, Shireen organised a birthday party for me where my friends pur up a show for me.. There were dance performances, sketch, raps, song performance.. I was very touched by the effort they put in and i appreciate what they had done for me. They sure did lessen my homesickness.. I got to eat crab which i have been craving for a long time.. :D thanks to Koola.. :D

Then on Tuesday, my urbanlife group UL34 celebrated my birthday as well, Hui Li baked me a cake. It was super nice..

I really thank God that He has blessed me with good friendships and has lead me through my days in Australia.. :D Amen.

The same old problem visits me again... :(

Exam week is here. THis week i got my my marks for drama. I am starting to compare again. I feel so small in the community i am living in right now. When i compare, that's when I feel super emotional and unstable. I might burst int tears in anytime.

I do not want to compare any more.. I want to be myself. I want Bernice to be Bernice and not someone else.

I've been experiencing stress form people around me that compare me with other people. I am who I am, fearfully and wonderfully made.

BERNICE ONG!!!!! STOP COMPARING!!! JUST DO YOUR BEST

There will be light even when I am in my darkest moments.

Yesterday, i got back my Maths 1 test paper.. I got 73%. I feel so bad after seeing my friends getting 80++ or 90.. I cried. When I checked through my papers,i found that I was mostly my careless mistaked that bring down my marks.. This time round the marks is not counted in our final exam so that comforts me a bit. My kiasu-ness makes me feel useless seeing everybody scoring good marks.. My parents expect me to score higher marks and I feel so bad letting them down. Although they are okay about my marks, but i know i can do better.

The most touching part was, my friends here in Australia comforted me and lend a shoulder to me when i was feeling as if my world is ending. After a while, my tutor asked me to talk to him. I went into his office. He asked me questions about my Maths background back in Malaysia. I told him that my major problem is that i have a lot of careless mistakes. He taught me how to avoid careless mistakes by going through every questions with me and teaching me the tehniques to score. One thing he told me that makes me feel encouraged was : " Bernice, I know this is not the best you can score." I cannot helped it and my tears came rolling down my cheeks like waterfalls. Then, my teaher closed the blinds so that nobody from outside can see that I am crying.

I am really thankful to have people around me when I needed help. I truly understands that I AM NOT ALONE. No man is an island and God knows that I will surely be crushed if i face this alone. Therefore, He placed me in a community that I can get help from and also lean on when I am exhausted.

My friends agreed to tackle my problems alongside me. I will score good grades next term. This is my promise to the one most high, my Heavenly father, my parents, my friends and my tutor that I will work hard and I hope i will not dissapoint you guys. To my friends back in Malaysia and also in Australia, please remember me in your prayer..

~end~

No Regrets..

I have no regrets going to Planetshakers Conference.It's indeed a life-changing conference. I have listened to great preachers such as Reggie Dabbs, John Bevere and later on T.D. Jakes.. The words they preach touched my heart. Although i doze off a lot of times during the message, I still manage to keep myself awake to get the gist of the message.

The praise and worship session was awesome and it was not because of the band of the music.. It's the heart of worship that brings everyone in the arena together and worship the Lord in one voice.