The two little twin cousins of mine..

JJ

JC

Together they are JC and JJ

They know how to spread out their arms to balance themselves and guess what, they are only two years old. They love driving their parents up the wall, making ugly faces and trying out new things such as licking guitar strings, wearing adult shoes and trying to slide down a slide with their body facing the sky. Haha.. They are sooo cute and I love them!!

Careless Mistakes keep on bugging me.. arrgghh

Why am I so careless?? How come I can't never complete a paper without any careless mistakes and flawless. Sigh.. I was wondering whether it is in one of my gene. Haha. If it was not because of the mistakes I have made I would have scored quite well for my Modern Mathematics paper. I feel like crawling underneath a rock and die!! Haha. Hope I will do better in my Additional Mathematics paper. If not, I will be skinned alive!!

Now, I'm starting to feel the pressure originated from my mother. I never liked it when she compared me to my friends especially when they score better than me. But i had no choice, I have to tell her how well they did and if they did better than me, she starts to nag me : " Girl, you always watch TV, that's why you cannot do well." or "Girl, what were you thinking when you are sitting for the papers?" and on and on and on.. She never see how well I did in my other papers. I've actually improved in a lot of subjects for this trial exam. She never give me a pat on the shoulder and tell me that : " Good job girl, you've improved! ".. It creates a lot of invisible burdens in my life. Well, I do not blame her for that cause her parents, my grandparents never did that either. Next time when I have my own offspring, I know what am I supposed to do.

I have to work harder now so that i won't disappoint them. Pressure is good if it is treated in a right way. Right?? Fuh.. Have to work like a donkey from now on!! Haha.. Knowing that I have my friends with me (thanks to Kian Aun) , i guess i will learn to handle this is in a PRECIOUS way.. May the Lord be with me as i move into another chapter of my life.. :)

Trying to be someone i am not..

Sometimes i wish i can have the berry that can show one's true identity ( in case you are wondering, it's from Barbie Mermaida ) . I wish to know what's God's plan for me and who I really am. Since i knew this girl, I've been trying my best to be like her or to beat her. In fact, I'm am the one whose butt was kicked! It sounds crazy but i will always check her Facebook to know what is happening around her. Sometimes, I hope to have what she has (things that money can't buy).
I told my friends that she is talented, pretty, humerous, generous, kind and someone that is very close to God. They threw me back with a question : How well do you know her?? I startled. Actually, i do not know her as deep as i know Janice, Sabrina and Shireen. On second thought, there's another side of her that i do not know. They told me that nobody is perfect and i kind of agree with that but i never knew what weaknesses she has. I am sick of trying to imitate her. I have told myself a billion times not to compare, not to thinks about her, be who I am and be proud of it! I just simply can't do it! With frustration and sadness in me, i do not know how to tackle this problem. I wish I know why I try to be like her. Is it because she possess the strengths that I do not have and God wants me to learn something from her or something else. I am confused and lost.

My friends told me that I am fearfully and wonderful made by God. No one is 100% alike. I kind of agree . They told me not to worry and I am not as bad as i think. They also tell me to be the Bernice that I was born to be. However, it's easier said than done. I guess i have to learn it the HARD way. God, please help me to overcome this , I cannot stop thinking about how to beat her. Why would i want to beat her? That's the question I always ask myself and sadly, I can't find an answer to that. :(

None the less, i will continue to pray for God to show me a way to solve this problem of mine. Maybe it's a test or a trial that God give me so that i will learn perseverance and also to know that He made me for a reason. Why didn't He make me like her? I think because I am different from her and God wants me to be different. Well, I am not sure about that. :( Lord, please show me an answer...

~end~

It's Incredible!!!

I've watch a lot of Barbie's movies this two days.. It's so unbelievable. I've flew back to the time when i was still a kid.

I've watched :
- Barbie Swan Lake
- Barbie As Thumberlina
- Barbie As Rapunzel
- Barbie The Island Princess
- Barbie As The Princess and the Pauper
- Barbie In a Christmas Carol
- Barbie and the Diamond Castle
- Barbie As the 12 Dancing Princess
- Barbie Mermaida
- Barbie Diaries
- Barbie Fairytopia: Magic Of The Rainbow
- Barbie In the Nutcracker
- Barbie And the Magic of Pegasus
- Barbie Fairytopia
(I wonder did i miss out any of them?? Hmm)

There's a lot of moral values behind these movies. It's good to have young kids watch it so that they can learn something from it especially girls. :D

I love fairy tales but it is not possible in real life. Sigh.

It's a lot of pressure..

Sometimes i felt like giving up cause a lot of pressures are coming in. That is also one part of me telling myself not to give up, encouraging me that i can do it. It's tough and this is the world I am living in, the background i came from. I feel very frustrated at times. Now, i'm leaving everything to God. Teach me Lord what should i do. Let me do it for your glory.

Trembling now...

This is not the first time i'm playing guitar for night worship.. But now i am shaking and i do not know why. :( Sigh. Guess i still need a lot of practice and hard work . :) HOpe i won't mess up the worship tonight. If I do, I'm sorry Fei Wong.. :)

Which one is better?? Before of after??

Before

After

Before

After

Afraid..

I've been very afraid after that incident. Always worrying that an explosion will happen anytime. Being a big sister, a good girlfriend, a friend , a student and a good daughter is not an easy task. A lot of conflicts are going on in my life makes me just wanna hide myself in one corner and avoid seeing people sometimes. This feeling keeps on growing in me. Every time i pray, this feeling will be gone but only for a while. After that it came back again. It's kind of frustrating for me. Life is full with a lot of conflicts, the key is how we handle it and i suck in handling conflicts. Every thing i do, i have to think about everyone else first whether will i hurt their feelings or will i make them feel uncomfortable. I have to be careful every time. this is why i cannot get rid of my fear. Furthermore, i am a timid person and this make things worse. I do not know what to do now. God, please tell me what to do. T.T

Joke of the day.. From my bio teacher...

This is a conversation between a British lady and an Arabian man.

The lady : Hello, may i know who is speaking?
The man : I am Ahmad al- Ranjit.
The lady : Sex?
The man : Three to five times a week.
The lady : No, no, no.. I mean male or female.
The man : Male, female and sometimes camel.
The lady : Holy cow!
The man : Yeah, cows, donkeys and horses.
The lady : Isn't that too hostile?
The man : Cow style, horse style, any style la.
The lady : Oh dear...
The man : Dear cannot cause they run too fast.

This is the joke i heard from our bio teacher. Hahaha...