Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Trying to be someone i am not..

Sometimes i wish i can have the berry that can show one's true identity ( in case you are wondering, it's from Barbie Mermaida ) . I wish to know what's God's plan for me and who I really am. Since i knew this girl, I've been trying my best to be like her or to beat her. In fact, I'm am the one whose butt was kicked! It sounds crazy but i will always check her Facebook to know what is happening around her. Sometimes, I hope to have what she has (things that money can't buy).
I told my friends that she is talented, pretty, humerous, generous, kind and someone that is very close to God. They threw me back with a question : How well do you know her?? I startled. Actually, i do not know her as deep as i know Janice, Sabrina and Shireen. On second thought, there's another side of her that i do not know. They told me that nobody is perfect and i kind of agree with that but i never knew what weaknesses she has. I am sick of trying to imitate her. I have told myself a billion times not to compare, not to thinks about her, be who I am and be proud of it! I just simply can't do it! With frustration and sadness in me, i do not know how to tackle this problem. I wish I know why I try to be like her. Is it because she possess the strengths that I do not have and God wants me to learn something from her or something else. I am confused and lost.

My friends told me that I am fearfully and wonderful made by God. No one is 100% alike. I kind of agree . They told me not to worry and I am not as bad as i think. They also tell me to be the Bernice that I was born to be. However, it's easier said than done. I guess i have to learn it the HARD way. God, please help me to overcome this , I cannot stop thinking about how to beat her. Why would i want to beat her? That's the question I always ask myself and sadly, I can't find an answer to that. :(

None the less, i will continue to pray for God to show me a way to solve this problem of mine. Maybe it's a test or a trial that God give me so that i will learn perseverance and also to know that He made me for a reason. Why didn't He make me like her? I think because I am different from her and God wants me to be different. Well, I am not sure about that. :( Lord, please show me an answer...



karmen said...

My dear girl..
You don't have to try to be someone else (yea.. as if you don't know that). Do you know that actually you've got many talents? You know how to dance, play the piano, guitar, sing, soft spoken, caring, etc. Whether you believe it or not, your blog is one of the blogs that I love to visit. It really encourages me alot. You've really grown A LOT. You're special in your own way. Trust me! What you're going through now is part and parcel of life. You're just looking up to someone that you respect. I've been in that scenario, too. And I know it's tiring. Don't have to try to be someone else. You are you! Everyone loves you the way you are. And I love you, too. God loves you, too! :)

BER said...

thank you jie.. *tear* I love you.. I really need these words from you.. It's encouraging jie.. I've been having this problem for along time adi.. And i can't solve it.. I m really crying now.. hehe.. Thank you so much..

BER said...
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Anonymous said...

fei chai here.remember?