Sometimes i wish i can have the berry that can show one's true identity ( in case you are wondering, it's from Barbie Mermaida ) . I wish to know what's God's plan for me and who I really am. Since i knew this girl, I've been trying my best to be like her or to beat her. In fact, I'm am the one whose butt was kicked! It sounds crazy but i will always check her Facebook to know what is happening around her. Sometimes, I hope to have what she has (things that money can't buy).
I told my friends that she is talented, pretty, humerous, generous, kind and someone that is very close to God. They threw me back with a question : How well do you know her?? I startled. Actually, i do not know her as deep as i know Janice, Sabrina and Shireen. On second thought, there's another side of her that i do not know. They told me that nobody is perfect and i kind of agree with that but i never knew what weaknesses she has. I am sick of trying to imitate her. I have told myself a billion times not to compare, not to thinks about her, be who I am and be proud of it! I just simply can't do it! With frustration and sadness in me, i do not know how to tackle this problem. I wish I know why I try to be like her. Is it because she possess the strengths that I do not have and God wants me to learn something from her or something else. I am confused and lost.
My friends told me that I am fearfully and wonderful made by God. No one is 100% alike. I kind of agree . They told me not to worry and I am not as bad as i think. They also tell me to be the Bernice that I was born to be. However, it's easier said than done. I guess i have to learn it the HARD way. God, please help me to overcome this , I cannot stop thinking about how to beat her. Why would i want to beat her? That's the question I always ask myself and sadly, I can't find an answer to that. :(
None the less, i will continue to pray for God to show me a way to solve this problem of mine. Maybe it's a test or a trial that God give me so that i will learn perseverance and also to know that He made me for a reason. Why didn't He make me like her? I think because I am different from her and God wants me to be different. Well, I am not sure about that. :( Lord, please show me an answer...