A memorable birthday!!!

This year is my first year celebrating my birthday overseas without my parents.. At first, i felst very homesick.. but then.. Thanks to Shireen i manage to have a memorable Birthday that i cherish fof a lifetime..

Firstly is last Friday. I planned a birthday party for another friend of mine. I planned to tie the person to a chair and then throw water balloons at him.. but in the end, my 'loyal' teammates tie me up as well.. Indeed, they have betrayed me. They splash water on us too at 12midnight during WINTER.. Luckily, my friend and I did not get sick.. haha..

Then on Sunday irself, Shireen organised a birthday party for me where my friends pur up a show for me.. There were dance performances, sketch, raps, song performance.. I was very touched by the effort they put in and i appreciate what they had done for me. They sure did lessen my homesickness.. I got to eat crab which i have been craving for a long time.. :D thanks to Koola.. :D

Then on Tuesday, my urbanlife group UL34 celebrated my birthday as well, Hui Li baked me a cake. It was super nice..

I really thank God that He has blessed me with good friendships and has lead me through my days in Australia.. :D Amen.

The same old problem visits me again... :(

Exam week is here. THis week i got my my marks for drama. I am starting to compare again. I feel so small in the community i am living in right now. When i compare, that's when I feel super emotional and unstable. I might burst int tears in anytime.

I do not want to compare any more.. I want to be myself. I want Bernice to be Bernice and not someone else.

I've been experiencing stress form people around me that compare me with other people. I am who I am, fearfully and wonderfully made.

BERNICE ONG!!!!! STOP COMPARING!!! JUST DO YOUR BEST

There will be light even when I am in my darkest moments.

Yesterday, i got back my Maths 1 test paper.. I got 73%. I feel so bad after seeing my friends getting 80++ or 90.. I cried. When I checked through my papers,i found that I was mostly my careless mistaked that bring down my marks.. This time round the marks is not counted in our final exam so that comforts me a bit. My kiasu-ness makes me feel useless seeing everybody scoring good marks.. My parents expect me to score higher marks and I feel so bad letting them down. Although they are okay about my marks, but i know i can do better.

The most touching part was, my friends here in Australia comforted me and lend a shoulder to me when i was feeling as if my world is ending. After a while, my tutor asked me to talk to him. I went into his office. He asked me questions about my Maths background back in Malaysia. I told him that my major problem is that i have a lot of careless mistakes. He taught me how to avoid careless mistakes by going through every questions with me and teaching me the tehniques to score. One thing he told me that makes me feel encouraged was : " Bernice, I know this is not the best you can score." I cannot helped it and my tears came rolling down my cheeks like waterfalls. Then, my teaher closed the blinds so that nobody from outside can see that I am crying.

I am really thankful to have people around me when I needed help. I truly understands that I AM NOT ALONE. No man is an island and God knows that I will surely be crushed if i face this alone. Therefore, He placed me in a community that I can get help from and also lean on when I am exhausted.

My friends agreed to tackle my problems alongside me. I will score good grades next term. This is my promise to the one most high, my Heavenly father, my parents, my friends and my tutor that I will work hard and I hope i will not dissapoint you guys. To my friends back in Malaysia and also in Australia, please remember me in your prayer..

~end~

No Regrets..

I have no regrets going to Planetshakers Conference.It's indeed a life-changing conference. I have listened to great preachers such as Reggie Dabbs, John Bevere and later on T.D. Jakes.. The words they preach touched my heart. Although i doze off a lot of times during the message, I still manage to keep myself awake to get the gist of the message.

The praise and worship session was awesome and it was not because of the band of the music.. It's the heart of worship that brings everyone in the arena together and worship the Lord in one voice.

I have been blessed...

I love my life here so much. I like going to church and everytime i worship, i felt the presence of God. It was hard to walk this path at first, but as time goes by, I began to understand why He put me in this kind of situation. He wants me to experience life-changing incidents. I thank you Lord for providing for me. I have no regrets coming to Australia, meeting new friends, learning new skills and broaden my views.

I am trying to learn to praise God eventhough I am facing difficulties.The power of praise is great and awesome. I am living happily everyday here in Melbourne, with a whole bunch of friends supporting me as well as He leading me. Thank you God for the plans He has made for me.

SPM result is finally out...

Yea. I got my results but i don't really feel the excitement because i was not there to take the result from my teacher. Sigh. Thank God I manage to do pretty well and i did not let Him nor my parents down. Thank you to all who helped me did well in my exam, those who prayed for me, those who taught me, those who supported me and those who provided for me.

I was so shocked when i got the MESSAGE from my dad saying that I scored 11As in my results. I was hacing my maths lecture that time. During the break, i checked my hanphone and then I was literally screaming in my heart. Then i called my parents but none of them picked up the phone.. Therefore, i called Jan. She reconfirmed me with my result. I hung up and i could not concentrate in class after that.

I was happy and sad at the same time. I felt happy bacause I did not let my family down. However,there;s another part of me that felt that I do not deserve this result. I have never really studied that hard like my friends did yet i get better results. In Albert House (the current place i stayed in), there are three more other Malaysians who scored straight As in their SPM. They are those people who really worked VERY VERY hard before SPM, unlike me.

There are some people who asked Shireen , " Is Bernice a hardworking girl in school? She scored so well." That time Shireen do not know how to answer czuse she knows I am a sluggard, everytime study last minute. Now, when people in ALbert HOuse says I am so clever, so hardworking or when they address me as the straight A girl, i felt so embarrased.

Anyway, I still thank God for His blessings to me. If it was not Him, I would not have scored this well. I think what God is trying to show me is to rely on Him and he will make my path straight. Amen.

7 Days in this new environment...

7 days have passed. I know this sounds very emo, but I don't know why I have been crying non-stop since Monday. Before I went to school, everything seems okay. I stayed in my mum's friends house and she took me and my mum around Melbourne. It was fun. I haven't felt the pressure yet. I moved in to my hostel on Sunday. It was still okay, My mum is staying in the hostel as well.

Things changed after I came back from school on Monday(sound of thunder). I began to feel very empty and lost. Maybe because in school i was alone cause Shireen is attending a different session. I have to so called 'forced' to socialise. I was not an expert in this. I have been seeing people in my hostel drunk and smoking. All i wanted was to do is stay in my room , socialise if i had to. Of course, there are still some good guys an girls around. Maybe i am still used to the community I have been in back in Malaysia. A sudden change in environment makes me feel empty and lost. I have to start all over again. Thank God Chow is here with me.

Mom left for Sydney but will be back on the 4th of March. I just can't stop crying eventhough i want it to stop so badly. I hope when classes start, i will be able to be strong and focus on my studies. It's weird when my parents call or my friends call, i will be tearing. It's UNCONTROLLABLE ! I really hope this feeling won't last.

Please remember me in your prayer. Thank you.Thank God i found friends which are trusworthy and kind-hearted. Today, one of the girls broke down in tears when she sent her dad back to Brunei. Then we all comforted her and then a guy suddenly said to her: We all came here to study, we will miss our parents, so let us work hard and focus on out studies. We have to help each other out throughtout this period of time.. His words spoke to me.. I was touched at that moment and i didn't really expext that to come out from a guy.. hehe..

The best CNY ever!!!

This year my CNY is cut short as I will be leaving soon... But i Felt loved everyday by family and friends. Besides getting angpaus for CNY, I got angpaus for my journey in Australia. In some ways, they are trying their best to make my life easier in Australia. They know i was leaving and all of them us there to help me. That makes me wanna CRY.. We only meet once a year or in some special ocassion yet they never forget that I exist. I thank them from the bottom of my heart to the core of it. I am lucky to be born in this family and to have this circle of friends. A big thank you to my heavenly father too.. He is really a great planner and a merciful giver!!

THANK YOU!! I love you all sooooo much!!!

Pictures speaks more than words..

I know what Family means...

I will be leaving soon.. I am impressed by my family.. All of them showed me what LOVE is all about. I really appreciate what they do for me. Each of them contributed something to me so that my journey in Australia will be smooth.. I thank them from the bottom of my heart to the core of it..

I felt that I am loved by them and they really care about me. I have a big family and through this I can see that I am not invisible. I am a somebody to them. I knew this all along but after recent incidents, I began to feel the unfailing love displayed by them. I really thank God for such a wonderful and lovely family..

Sometimes I Just WANNA BE BAD!!!!

I have met people with extreme behavior. They get mad and you and at the same time making you feel super guilty. The funniest thing is you do not think that you did anything wrong and yet you are given this kind of 'treatment'. One thing I learn, life isn't fair. I have been searching for justice all this why and everytime i just FAILED.

There are times i wish i can just fight back, revenge and break all the rules God has set for us. But, i just cannot. I have been bound by all this laws and I know if i return an eye for an eye, this circulation will continue on. Temptations begin to creep in slowly, one step at a time, I have been ignoring them but who knows some day I might give in to temptations. I hope that day won't come when I failed.

Patience is easier said than done. I am not a very patient person and I will try to fight till the end if I know I am not in the wrong. I am always very competative. I am eager to win a fight everytime. My patience now hangs by a thread. Currently, i am struggling with this and I hope I can win this battle by enduring and praying.

Again, I need your prayer. I cannot do this alone. I am sure that God will not give me situations that I cannot endure. I hope that I will not fail Him again.

~the end~

23 days and counting...

A THANK YOU to Katan for REMINDING me that i have 23 days left in Malaysia. No doubt.. I am going to miss everybody here.. I know you all will miss me too.. :D Anyway, life outside my comfort zone will be like a tropical jungle in the Amazon, filled with deadly creatures that walk, crawl and fly. I will have to be on my 100% attention in order to avoid traps and dangers.

Can you all remember me in your prayer that God will protect Shireen, Dwayne and I while we are in Australia? We certainly need your prayer. Thank you.

I will try my best to send you all updates as frequent as possible. :D

By the way, I will be leaving on the 18th of february while Shireen will be flying off on the 20th of February. If you all are free, do come and send us off. We will be more than happy if you guys turn up.

My new hair cut to face this new world.. :D

I am going to be a COUCH POTATO!!!

Since i graduated from high school, I have been staying at home all day. Sitting at the sofa watching tv, go online and having my meals is my daily routine. The worst part is, i am putting on weight before I going to Australia. I think by the time I come back to Malaysia, nobody will recognise me anymore as I will look twice as heavy as I am now.

There's one thing good about staying at home. I can spend some time to myself and with my family. Before the holidays, i was buzy doing things, running here and there, rushing all the time and I bearly have time to give a call or drop a message to Kar Wai. I neglected my family too. During this period of time, I focused on building stronger relationships with my friends and family. Thank God, everything is smooth and enjoyable.

Leaving Malaysia is going to be hard. I will miss everything and everyone that makes my life worth living. I am really thankful for a bunch of friends and family that have made me who I am today. I hope that I won't dissapoint them and continue to grow in their absence..